The Arrogant Labmate: Face ’em or Forget ’em?

Dear Dora,

A new postdoc joined our lab and he walks around like he owns the place- showing no respect to any of the grad students. As a 5th year student, I feel like I deserve some respect, especially since I’ve been working here way longer than he has. Plus, the postdoc has only been a “doc” for about 3 weeks. I want to put him in his place, but I’m not sure what to say or if I’m just being too sensitive.

– mama griz, graduate student

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Dear Mamma Griz,

I understand your frustration. Having an arrogant labmate in the group can be very annoying whether he is a 1st year student or postdoc. Does he actually disrupt the workflow or does he just have a lofty attitude? If his mannerism interferes with your work, then it is time to bring his behavior to his attention.

Many people are not aware of their irritating habits, and most of them don’t intend to upset others. Once they learn how their behaviors affect others, there is a good chance they will make amends. As a senior student, you probably have the most “authority” to speak with him. If you notice that other students are annoyed too, find out what their complaints are, so you will have specific examples to share with him.

Once you have your “list” of complaints, approach him during a time when he does not seem busy, and ask whether he has a few minutes to talk. During your conversation, it is best to give him the sense that you are trying to help him integrate into the group better, rather than putting him in his place. e.g. “I noticed that you do not clean up after yourself and the way you speak to us sounds like you are giving us orders and this is usually not how we operate here.”

Even if he responds well and shows you more respect, he might need gentle reminders once in a while. If he still fails to give you respect, share your thoughts with your PI. It is in his/her interest as well that there is a healthy atmosphere in the group and it is his/her responsibility as well to ensure that the group is working smoothly.

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Dora Farkas, Ph.D. is the author “The Smart Way to Your Ph.D.:200 Secrets from 100 Graduates,” and the founder of PhDNet, an online community for graduate students and PhDs. You will find links to her book, monthly newsletters, and discussion board on her site. Send your questions to [email protected] and keep an eye out for them in an upcoming issue!

Stay tuned for the next Dear Dora in two weeks!  In the meantime, check a few of Dora’s recent posts:

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Submit your questions to Dora at [email protected], or use the comment box below!