The Tightrope: Finding Balance as a Scientist Mom
by
Guilt, exhaustion, frustration, turmoil, confusion – all sentiments of my newly intermingled roles as Mom and Scientist. I’ve been pulling this act together since I had my first child – a little boy referred to as Monkey – last November. And while the tenure track to which I aspire presents a worthy challenge, my first four months of motherhood have shown this goal pales in comparison to raising a child. My son changed my life for the better and brought my career into focus. I am slowly redefining myself, and I implore every new mom to do the same.
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Motivation. Monkey has put my career, like the rest of my life, into perspective. I still love science, but it feels much more like a job than it used to. While I’ve maintained the goal of starting my own lab and pursuing all the trappings of tenure-trackdom, I don’t feel the sky will come crashing down if this dream doesn’t come to fruition. I need to earn a paycheck and maintain stability for my family, and I’m willing to take second best, as long as it brings me some fulfillment.
Boundaries. I came back to work eight short weeks after Monkey was born and, perhaps out of guilt, accepted every new responsibility offered. In the rush to make up for my absence, I quickly burned out. I now work within strict time boundaries; arriving in the lab at 8:30 a.m. and leaving no later than 6 p.m. Rough drafts of research proposals serve as guidelines for prioritizing experiments, and I don’t take on additional responsibilities unless I know I can fit them into my day. If these boundaries prevent me from becoming a rock star scientist, then so be it. I can live without tenure. I can’t live without my family.
Identity. Reclaiming my identity has been, perhaps, the most difficult challenge of all. As a mom, doing things for myself feels like an unaffordable luxury, but finding time to reflect and relax has become more important than ever. I owe it to myself, my son, and my husband to remain a complete and independent person. So I blog, sing in my church choir, go for runs at work, and even take a nap most weekends (something I scoffed at before Monkey was born). These personal moments are crucial for remaining a happy mom, and I can’t give them up in the name of time management.
Focus. Compartmentalization is a very useful tool for the working mom (or dad). When I waste time feeling guilty about being at work, or worry about unfinished science from home, my efficiency goes to shit. Focusing on the task at hand is crucial to maintaining work-life balance. But how? A good friend uses her internal clock to tell her when it’s time to shift gears. If work is stressing her out, she goes for a run, or leaves to spend time with her family. When her daughter starts driving her bonkers, she swings the pendulum in the other direction. While the clock still serves as my barometer, I’m starting to feel this new sense of time. I’m sure it will take years for me to optimize its use.
Patience. Having Monkey threw my life into utter disarray, and I’ve been working ever since to find my new equilibrium. I don’t know if I’ll ever end up on the tenure-track; I’m not even sure that I’ll remain in research. I’m constantly re-evaluating my goals, and re-aligning my life to accommodate new priorities. Determining this new balance will take time, and I pray every day for the patience to let my life unfold. Change is inevitable and constant in our lives, and having a baby has expedited my life’s evolution. But if I wait for the dust to settle, I might just find that I end up where I’m meant to be.
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Dr. O is a new mom living a parallel life as a postdoctoral scientist and tenure-track hopeful, a juggling act that has proven more challenging and wonderful than she ever imagined. She blogs about her attempts to find balance at The Tightrope, and vents her frustrations on Twitter.
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Not quite a mom yet? Check out one postdoc’s advice on what to expect when you’re expecting…in lab.
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Have you found balance in lab as a new mom or dad?
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anna
wrote on March 23, 2011 at 11:03 am
The challenge of having a child as a scientist is tremendous in part because there never seems to be a good time. Either we're trying to wrap up graduate school, get started on a new postdoc, or find our first job. There is so much career uncertainty from 25-35 years old in science that the idea alone of having a kid is overwhelming for me at times.
alan@benchfly
wrote on March 23, 2011 at 12:40 pm
Excellent point- and I'd imagine there's a huge pressure (whether explicit or implied) for pregnant women to work as long as possible before birth and return to lab as quickly as possible after birth. As you say, since the career is broken into chunks (grad school, 5yrs; postdoc, 3-4 years; tenure track, 6yrs), taking a year off to have a child is probably very difficult since it ends up being a significant percentage of time at any step.
Dr. O
wrote on March 23, 2011 at 12:44 pm
It's definitely a challenge, but there are ways to make it work. My best advice is to consider family when you're looking for jobs, keeping in mind how important a supportive environment is for keeping your sanity. And go easy on yourself when you make the decision. Sometimes the pressure we put on ourselves is a lot heavier than what others expect.
Joanne
wrote on March 31, 2011 at 8:32 pm
I agree with Dr O's comment about considering family when looking for jobs. Following a postdoc I decided to take time out to have a family. While I wouldn't change a thing, I miss science terribly and do worry about what sort of job I will be able to get when it's time to go back. I know however that I will consider my family first: how far I have to travel, are my employers family-oriented and is it a job with potential to grow once my children are in school. It is so important to find a project that is interesting and something I consider to be important. How will all of this fall into place at the right time? I have no idea. I just have to trust that it will all work out.